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Lost Without You

“I never truly understood what the words ‘I miss you’ meant, until I reached for my Mum’s hand and it wasn’t there”…

Almost 6 years on and the pain doesn’t subside. But maybe I don’t want it to, because no pain might mean I’ve forgotten.

But sometimes it’s hard. Excruciating. The wound appears when you least expect it. Tears flow when alone and around others. You hear of others passing away and it brings everything back. You want others to understand so they can understand you, but you don’t want anyone to suffer the loss that you have suffered.

Others can hurt you all they want, but the pain of losing your mother beats them all…

My mother was born here. There is a real sense of calm whenever I visit this place. She played in these streets as a child, she grew up here and walked on these bricks, she touched these walls… This place is peace.
Jun 17, 2016 - Islam, Parenting    No Comments

Motherhood – Sh Nuh Keller

Dedicated to all those mothers who are working tirelessly for their families 🙂

“When she has her first baby, she must manage for another life even more dependent on her personal sacrifices. By the second, third, or fourth child, her days and nights belong almost entirely to others. Whether she has a spiritual path or not, such a mother can seldom resist a glance at the past, when there were more prayers, more meanings, more spiritual company, and more serenity. When Allah opens her understanding, she will see that she is engaged in one of the highest forms of worship, that of producing new believers who love and worship Allah. She is effectively worshipping Allah for as many lifetimes she has children, for the reward of every spiritual work her children do will be hers, without this diminishing anything of their own rewards: every ablution, every prayer, every Ramadan, every hajj, and even the works her children will, in turn, pass on to their offspring, and, so on till the end of time. Even if her children do not turn out as she wishes, she shall be requited in paradise forever according to her intention in raising them, which was that they should be godly.

Aside from the tremendous reward, within the path itself it is noticeable that many of those who benefit most from khalwa or ‘solitary retreat of dhikr’ are women who have raised children. With only a little daily dhikr and worship over the years, but much toil and sacrifice for others, they surpass many a younger person who has had more free time, effort, and ‘spiritual works.’ What they find is greater because their state with Allah is greater; namely, the awe, hope, and love of the Divine they have realized by years of sincerity to Him.” 

Shaykh Nuh Ha Mim Keller

Life update!

Salaams, it’s me again!

So this week has been pretty hectic, it’s been over a week since they’ve gone back to Pakistan and things are slowly going to get back to normal. Well, as normal as they can be, nobody can ever replace my mother and everything she did, may Allah give Sabr… It truly has been difficult, but Allah reassures us by telling us He does not burden a soul with more than it can bear. Alhamdulillah, the Mercy of Allah. I hope to be an amazing woman, just like my mother was. ان شا الله I can make her proud of me.

Arabic has been getting pretty tough now. We’re going over stories in class, then answering questions about the story and then presenting the story to the class. I go to say, it’s a struggle for me at the moment. I feel so incompetent but I’ve just got to keep trying my best. I will only gain from this what Allah wants me to gain, and nothing more or less than that! Alhamdulillah. Shaykh Ahmed Saad also teaches us Tafsir once a week which is a MASSIVE blessing, Alhamdulilah! Admittedly, I am not understanding much from the lessons because it’s completely in Arabic, but the blessing of having the Shaykh come and speak to us is just immense.
I should have gone in today but I’m just feeling so overwhelmed at the moment! I don’t know why, but yesterday’s lesson was just a complete blank for me, may Allah make it easy! I’m going to try and go over a story and then grammar today ان شا الله.

I started getting back into the exercising routine, let’s see how long this lasts! Been feeling extremely lethargic recently and well, enough is enough. My body has a right over me and I gotta work out!

Anyway, it’s Friday so Jummah Mubarak! I’m going to try and follow this timetable I have set myself 🙂 Tomorrow will be going to Hounslow Masjid for a Mawlid again ان شا الله. Last week the Mawlid was amazing! 🙂

Take care,