Endings

As-salaam ‘alaykum! 🙂

Alhamdulillah I finally found a bit of time to write this blog which I have wanted to write for so long! It’s the 3rd May 2015 ALREADY! Half a year has almost gone by, and Ramadan and summer are fast approaching!

They say that time heals all wounds, however, I don’t agree with that statement. I miss my mother even more than before. As I journey throughout life, I can hear her voice, guiding me in the decisions I have to make daily. There is no bigger heartache than the heartache of losing your mother, I have no doubts. Quite recently I attended the janaza of the mother of a friend, and it brought back memories of when I attended the janaza of my own mother. Janaza. My mother. My own mother. It never sinks in.

I am content in knowing that my mother was a great woman, and she is missed by so many. We sometimes have guests over, and they all comment on how I look exactly like my mother. That is the biggest compliment. Perhaps they wonder why I have a smile on my face when they have come to our house to express their condolences? The pain never goes away, however it would be selfish of me to put my feelings above all of this. My mother told me not to cry, and instead pray for her. She had a blessed ending, Alhamdulillah. I have no doubts that Allah loves her very much, and that she is in the best place. Ameen. I am currently writing and compiling memories, thoughts, dreams and everything else I can think of, regarding my beloved mother. It will also contain details on the last few days before she returned to Allah, and the days which followed too. I think this would be a great way to remember all the great things she accomplished and taught me. Maybe something to pass onto my children (In’sha’Allah), and also to describe to my future spouse (In’sha’Allah) the great woman that my mother was. My mother left behind a great legacy, and I make Dua that I am able to make her, my father, the Messenger of Allah, and of course Allah, pleased with me.

I was recently looking at my bookshelf and was drawn to ‘Doorkeeper of the Heart; Versions of Rabi’a’. I came across this quote which I loved.

“I am the murderer of joy,” said the Angel of Death, “I am the widower of wives, the orphaner of children” –

“Why always run yourself down?” said Rabi’a – “Why not say instead: ‘I am he who brings friend and Friend together’?”

My mother has returned to Allah, she has returned home, where we will all eventually end up. May Allah be pleased with her, and may Allah be pleased with us all, forgive us for all of our sins which we have committed knowingly and unknowingly, and may Allah grant us all a good ending. Ameen.

Something really touched my heart earlier this week. My amazing friend Saba and I were discussing this on the train the other day. Our Arabic journeys have come so far, Alhamdulillah. Each and every student in the class.

It’s been a struggle, I feel so incompetent and quite stupid most days, but when I compare what I know now to what I knew before I started (absolutely no Arabic), it really is amazing, Alhamdulillah! From struggling to remember the first few drills, getting really bad marks in the translation exercises, hardly getting the gist of our first Tafsir class with Shaykh Ahmad Saad, to understanding pretty much the entire lesson now. It really is such an accomplishment, Alhamdulillah! It makes me quite sad to know that my Arabic journey with the Ibn Jabal Gap Year is coming to an end. In’sha’Allah my Arabic journey will continue, and I will carry on learning and practicing, however, going into the building every day and sitting in my seat and being with my classmates… I am going to miss it soooooo much! It is sometimes quite demotivating that I can’t speak in Arabic like everyone else, but it is important to remember that we are all on our individual Arabic journeys, and Allah has put me in this place for a reason, and I should be very grateful 🙂 Yesterday I was out shopping with some aunts and I saw someone who was in my class but didn’t continue the course, for whatever reason, Allah knows best. It made me reflect on how fortunate I am to have this chance of a lifetime. To study with such amazing teachers and of course Shaykh Ahmed Saad! It feels surreal, Alhamdulillah I am SO glad my mother suggested I take a gap year after university. 🙂 She was so proud of me for wanting to learn this blessed language, and Alhamdulillah this is a great motivator for when I feel like I can’t do it. I am going to miss the course so much, and in’sha’Allah I would like to keep in touch with my teachers and classmates!

We have one more week with Shaykh Ahmed Saad teaching us Tafseer, and then we will have a short break, and then continue with poetry and a bit of media with other teachers in’sha’Allah. I am going to miss Shaykh Ahmed Saad teaching us every day. It has been such a blessing to have the Shaykh, I just can’t describe. In our last lesson, the Shaykh mentioned that he had been very unwell in the morning and had contacted Ustaadh Salman, saying that he would not be able to teach us that day. Ustaadh Salman then asked the Shaykh to describe to him the progress of the class, to which the Shaykh mentioned every single person in the class and how they have improved (قوتها for me :D). The Shaykh then said that he felt the same attachment to our class as he did to his regular classes in Singapore. The Shaykh then informed Ustaadh Salman that he would come and teach us that day. SubhanAllah, this really touched my heart. During the lesson, we had no idea that the Shaykh was feeling unwell, and he continued the lesson with excitement and love. The Shaykh also brought in a Quran which was over 100 years old, which had been restored etc, and allowed us all to have a look. The Shaykh also showed us images on his phone of calligraphy which he had done the night before. It was absolutely beautiful, may Allah bless the Shaykh abundantly in this life and the next.

I am now going to have dinner, pray and then prepare the text for tomorrow’s lesson, in’sha’Allah. Please keep us in your blessed Duas!

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