Eid al-Adha Mubarak

I should be asleep by now, but really wanted needed to write. The blessed 10 days of Dhul-Hijjah have passed, and it is Eid! Eid is a joyous occasion that Allah has blessed us with, and we are very thankful to Him for every blessing He has bestowed on us. It is the Eid of sacrifice. Not only is it the sacrifice of a goat, a sheep or a cow, but the sacrifice of our desires. How often do we reflect on our egos which have grown far too large? How often are we checking ourselves and learning about the major and the minor sins we are committing? Have we become too complacent? Our dinner parties gather many, our Quran and Dhikr gatherings are small and few. What are we really here for? Yes, Allah is Most Merciful, and Forgiving, but come on, we have to do our part!

The moon and the clouds on the night of Eid. We sat outside in the garden for hours, enjoying the cool breeze. It was the hottest day of the year today! During daylight it was SO HOT outside, and in the evening it was so hot inside!

This Eid I really missed my Aunt. It was the first Eid since she has passed. I can’t get my head around it, but it’s true. And the truth is painful. But I’m only human. Difficult times will pass by too…

This year has been difficult, no doubt. For everyone. So many things have been put into perspective. Covid-19 has literally changed the entire world. Something so minute that it can’t even be seen, and the entire world has come to a stand. Allah is the One who is in control, no matter how much anyone may deny it. Could we have even imagined something like this would happen and affect the entire world as it has?

I’ve been reflecting on so much. Praying that everything works out well, that Allah eases all difficulties, and averts all calamities. May Allah give us all eternal happiness, ameen!

The Reality of Life

I haven’t posted for a while. Truth is, I’ve been struggling. Times are challenging, confusing and scary.

5 days ago, my beloved Aunt (eldest phupo) unexpectedly and suddenly passed away. She wasn’t unwell, she wasn’t old. Her heart just stopped. It was her time to go, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.

These past few days have been especially difficult. I haven’t been able to put into words my feelings. The sudden shock, and realisation that we could leave this world at any time and any place. Of course, I knew that before, and I have felt it before. But new wounds are raw. And we find ourselves having to start healing all over again.
I know that my Phupo is in a better place. I know that she was a wonderful woman of exemplar character. Everyone who knew her loved her. She tried to make everyone feel loved. She wanted everyone to be happy, to laugh, to enjoy life. She never got angry or raised her voice. Her faith in God was firm. She wasn’t scared of death, and she didn’t need to be. She left so peacefully without a single sigh of pain or emotion, shortly after the Adhan for Fajr, her state as a traveller. She came from the UK as a visitor and passed away in Pakistan. Her mother left her 28 years ago, and her yearning to be with her mother was intense. And now, she is buried besides her.
I would appreciate if you could pray a Fatiha and Surah Ikhlas X3 for my Aunty, so that she may be rewarded. May Allah have mercy on her soul, forgive her for her shortcomings, and grant her Jannah al-Firdaus. Ameen.

This photograph is what I believe to be the last sunset my Aunt had witnessed.

Jun 2, 2020 - Reflections    No Comments

Belonging

It’s so weird, isn’t it? Where do we really belong?

I’d identify myself as a British Pakistani. I have grown up with influences from both Pakistani and British culture. I’ve spent most of my life in London, started and completed my entire education in London, and now living in South Yorkshire.

I have also spent countless summers and school holidays in Pakistan, in the village and in the city.

In the UK I am seen as a Pakistani, and in Pakistan, I am seen as British. So, where then, do I belong?

… I belong wherever HE is.

Scenes from the village. Nature is beauty.
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